How to Cook a Turkey

Today's cooking advice is brought to you by electricity.

How to Cook a Turkey by Zero Dean:

1. Put turkey in oven
2. Cook turkey until it's done.
3. Take turkey out of oven.

This cooking shit is easy.

Reader comments

Jeannie: “Not even going to stuff it or put tinfoil over it or baste it huh? Congratulations, you just made Turkey Leather.”

Zero: “I didn't say NOT to put tinfoil over it! I can't spell out everything for everyone. You gotta figure out some stuff on your own.

“Otherwise my cooking advice would start with:

• 1  Wake up.
• 2  Get up.
• 3  Put some clothes on.
• ...
• 11178  Put turkey in oven
• 11179  You baste that turkey, you baste it good!”

Jeannie: “*Crosses off #3. *Apron only. More fun.”

Zero: “Nice. I like the way you think.

• 3  Put some clothes apron on.

Not only is that more efficient than what I had, it also cuts down on laundry.”